Thursday, November 13, 2008

Meet the 'Ho

It occurred to me after posting my last entry that I have yet to talk about one of the last great passions in my life, my new Chevy Tahoe, or "The 'Ho." But this is a complicated matter...

I know it is completely unpractical (although I have two small sons, we rarely do anything out of doors. It will never drive us to a skiing trip or convey us to whitewater rafting adventures.). It is better on gas than I had expected but I know it is environmentally irresponsible -- and I really DO care about the environment -- you should see my recycling contribution every two weeks! I'm not a litterbug and I almost never pour turpentine down the sewer grate at the base of our driveway.

But here's the thing. When I test drove this vehicle and felt the purr of her engine beneath me, that was it. Maybe it's because I'm short, maybe it's because I learned how to drive on a Chevy Silverado and this is somehow related to regaining my youth or being like my father. I don't know. I just love it. I come up with random excuses to go to the store and cruise the beach instead.

It is undeniably superficial, materialistic, wasteful and selfish to love driving my 'Ho as much as I do. The first song I played on her amazing soundsystem was Joan Jett's "I Hate Myself for Loving You." Whenever someone jokingly comments on how it's too big "for a girl of your size" or gives me a hard time at work for my horrible parking job, I apologize profusely. I admit to my weakness. Unlike my friend, Beverly, who feels the wonderful pull to be peevishly bad, I feel a compulsion to please, to confess, to prostrate myself, guilt stricken, in front of the judging hordes (who probably don't even exist and aren't judging at all but I'm paranoid, too).

But enough. Here's a video that I love. The truth hurts:

6 comments:

Grumpy Guy said...

I think maybe the Joan Jett song you need to adopt as your anthem is "I Don't Give A Damn About My Bad Reputation".

pulpexploder said...

There is actually one very good reason to drive an SUV, and that is snow. I love my clown car, but there are at least a few times a year when I wish I had a monster car.

Beverly Hamilton Wenham said...

Can you imagine just how many clowns you could fit in your SUV? Now that would be something to see.

Honestly your can is a sweet ride. It's all dark and sleek and lushy-plush delicious inside. Plus it goes very fast. You should be able to ride fast in it and then eat it. Then it would be a perfect thing. I bet they have those in heaven.

Ana said...

GG -- Damn it, you're right! I'm putting that on my ipod today.

Pulp -- I don't even know how to use four wheel drive. Snow might be ironically impossible for me to drive in. And, BTW, my other car is a clown car!

Bev -- If they were very tiny clowns, definitely 14, don't you think?

Grumpy Guy said...

This is probably way to politically incorrect, but down here they often pull over a vehicle like yours filled with 20-25 illegal immigrants. So if you get tired of it, someone down here will give you a good price for it.

Eva said...

Well we all know what people say about men and the size of their car and I wonder why people are so ridiculous about the size of women's cars. I'm also a petite girl and I have a huge car. I always look at men with smaller cars with an evil glint in my eye and that makes me feel so good... That car of yours is gorgeous. I would be giving plenty of evil eyes if I was taking it for a spin...