Friday, March 20, 2009

Prognostication



Last weekend Bev, my sister, and I went to a psychic for a tarot card reading. As is my usual experience, the results were half horrifying accuracy and half laughable miscalculation. In the "Accurate" column: there will be future upheaval at work, I have two brothers, one of whom is estranged from the family (and apparently in some kind of trouble), my oldest son is a gem, my youngest, the devil incarnate. Under "Laughable": I want to spend more time at home with my kids, there is supposed to be a third child (not on your fucking life!), I'm an intuitive. The rest was pretty vague and only came out after a little too much questioning on her part.

On one hand, visiting a psychic is fun, exciting, and a little emotional. Although I try to remain sceptical, it honestly is creepy when they hit the occassional nail on the head. Precisely for this reason, I always end up leaving feeling a little uneasy. What if she really can see/sense my past and my future? What if her lackluster divination proves true after all? When the bell sounded which marked the end of my reading, she insisted that I stay a little longer due to the large number of sword cards I had drawn from her three decks -- apparently a matter of some concern. She tried and tried to figure it out but could come to no solid conclusions (big surprise, right?). When I got home I made the sorry mistake of looking up the meaning of the card shown above. Why do I do this to myself? I think tomorrow I'm going to observe the flight of a crow then shoot it and read its entrails.

7 comments:

Beverly Hamilton Wenham said...

The sad thing Ladies and Gentlemen is that soon after writing this entry , Ana was inexplicably stuck with twelve large swords from somewhere over her head. She never saw it coming.

Gorilla Bananas said...

A British magician called Ali Bongo has recently died. He was once persuaded to play the part of a fortune teller, and became so good at it that even he began to believe he had psychic powers. That's when he gave up doing it.

Eva said...

Believe it or not, I've never been to a psychic reading even though France is covered in psychics and mediums of all sorts. But going to a French medium is as serious as going to the doctor and you only get to be in a cold room with someone who invariably wears a Hermes scarf. How can you believe such a person. You guys across the pond have got the most intriguing psychics. I think it's time for me to move...

Eva said...

PS: Have you ever thought about buying your own Tarot deck? They come with a little booklet that will help you guess the meaning of the cards. My mum and I used to read each other's fortune and we had a fun time doing that.

Ana said...

Bev -- I just got back from the emergency room. I'll need plastic surgery, but the good news is I'll look like Rosalind Russel when they're all done.

GB -- Is there anything you don't know something about?! I've always trusted magicians more than psychics. At least they are outright in their deception.

Eva -- Yes, we have the best psychics in the world! And the rooms are always warm and smell good. I do have my own tarot deck and can read the individual cards but get all messed up when trying to bring it all together. Bev would be a great card reader; maybe I'll have her try it on me.

Brandon G. said...

So, inspired by this post, I took a few psychic tests to see if I'm any better at that than web design. But before I began, I worked out the exact statistical likelihood of me getting the right answers. Based on pure chance, I should have gotten somewhere around 21% of the questions correct. Well, I got 13%. I'm like a reverse psychic. There were quite a few tests where I actually got every single question wrong. So I can tell you with some certainty what won't happen to you.

Ana said...

Brandon -- Inspired by your comment, I went and took a test too; I'm 10% accurate. We should start a business: "Things That Won't Happen to You, Inc."